Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
