i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
