K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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