I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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