He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
we should paint friendship bongs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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