I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
