hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize