I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
