Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
