Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
