Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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