I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
