I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize