a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Someone came in the potted fern
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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