dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
