***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am one with the molecules
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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