Umm I'm too high to move.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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