for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
