Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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