the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
