He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
