I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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