where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My feet surprised me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
