someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
