I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
