hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
