drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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