mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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