Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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