you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
