Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
