I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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