so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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