Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
