so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
