yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
