Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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