I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
