it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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