i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
