im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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