Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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