matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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