trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
