Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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