stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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