Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
