if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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