Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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