Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sober January is a disaster.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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