We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
