Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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