You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
