She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
