Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
