I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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