Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
