And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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