I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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