We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
