he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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