After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
