all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
