I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He shit in the fireplace
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
