You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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