Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I love having hate sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
