Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize