Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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