She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
