So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
