I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
home. puking in laundry basket.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
