I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
