1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
