Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
