i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
