VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
