i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You can't special order awesome
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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