I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
