Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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