im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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