Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
