Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
