Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
