Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
