Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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