She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
